No Way
by CountessCora
Summary: After being married only a few months, Cora overhears Violet criticizing her yet again and wonders if she should give up on trying to make a success of her marriage to Robert.


**No Way**

_AN: the characters do not belong to me. This is from a prompt on tumblr from scintilla-te, to use the line "no way! I'm not doing that!" I hope you enjoy! xx_

Autumn 1888

Cora sat by the window in her bedroom, staring at the swirling pool of red and orange leaves that seemingly blanketed the entire estate. Her real purpose in keeping her back toward the door and her eyes on the outdoors was not because she was entranced by the beauty before her, but because it kept anyone from seeing that she had been crying yet again.

"They probably have me all sized up," she whispered to the emptiness surrounding her. "They must know that I'm in love with Robert even though he's not in love with me, and they can surely tell that I'm so homesick that I can hardly bear another day in this cold, drafty house. The only thing that looks anything like Cincinnati are the leaves." She sighed and suppressed another torrent of sobs, resolving to control her emotions. There was no need for her new mother-in-law to pass more judgment on what she thought of as the weak, sentimental American who could never be equal to her English counterparts. It would be enough that she had disappeared into her dressing room immediately after luncheon instead of doing whatever a young viscountess should be doing in the long, lonely hours of the afternoon.

Watching her money disappear into the Downton estate was like watching part of her own identity fade into oblivion. Cora knew logically that her fortune being poured into Robert's family home was in the agreement of their marriage, but it hadn't felt truly real until the papers were signed and the transaction was over. Now she had to wander through this loveless house for the rest of her years, indeed with the title that her mother wanted more than Cora herself, with no one to even notice that she was there.

Robert noticed her every evening, but not in the way she had hoped and dreamed to be treated by the romance of her life. He was always gentlemanly, too gentlemanly and distant for Cora's taste, making their nightly encounters more like a business deal than an act of intimacy. The purpose was, as Cora had long understood, to produce an heir who would be the next earl after Robert. At the same time each evening, Robert arrived in the room, initiated the encounter like a shy schoolboy might do and left after it was over, cinching the tie on his robe as he returned to his own room. Then she was alone in the darkness, neither loved nor cherished. She was merely there to perform a function and stay out of the way while not signing her life away or attempting to conceive a son.

Footsteps in the corridor made Cora nearly jump out of her chair, but to her relief, no one knocked on the door. Then she realized that the footsteps belonged to Robert and his mother, as did the disagreeing voices. She could hear Robert being questioned outside her dressing room door regarding this lack of result in her duty to Downton. Violet wanted to know if she should arrange for Cora to visit a doctor in order to investigate the reason for no result.

It was one of the few times Cora heard Robert actually defend her instead of silently skulk away from his overbearing mother's words.

"Surely if you'd married an English girl like I ordered you to do, there would be a baby on the way already! Just look at Lady Harriet, with whom you spent plenty of time before the American turned up. She has given her husband a son within the first year of their marriage. I am sure there is no one in her household worrying about the future of the estate!" Violet was clearly angry.

"That's the place where you're wrong, Mama," he said. "I have been married to Cora for only a few months. There hasn't been time."

"You're not neglecting your duty, are you?"

Robert blushed heavily and averted his eyes. "Of course not, Mama."

"Then is she causing problems?"

"No, Mama. No problems." Robert's eyes stayed firmly on the ground.

"If the American is of no use, I don't know what to tell you, my son. Do you want to be the earl who loses it all because you didn't have the good sense to marry someone worthy of your station?"

The surprisingly encouraging feeling of Robert defending Cora melted away in the retort Violet hurled at him. She bit her lip until the tangy taste of blood poured into her mouth in order not to cry or make some sound of pain.

"She has a name, Mama, it's Cora." Robert finally lifted his eyes to meet hers.

"At this point, I don't care. She shouldn't be here long enough for anyone to know her name if she doesn't do her duty."

Cora felt the room swim before her at these words. No amount of homesickness in the world would make being rejected and sent back to America worth it. She could imagine the shame. Everyone in Cincinnati would mock the viscountess who was divorced by her husband before a half year of marriage. And why? Because she couldn't give him an heir.

Cora wanted to ring for Harrison, her ladies' maid, to loosen her corset so she wouldn't suffocate as her breath came shorter and shorter. But the summons to Harrison would draw attention to her if Robert or his mother were still in the corridor. After all, Cora had heard only one set of footsteps walking away after the last exchange.

"Maybe I should just go home, despite the shame," Cora whispered as she struggled for breath due to her tightening throat. "It's clear that I'll never truly be at home here. Not ever."

She stood with much effort and made her way to the bed, collapsing onto it as she gasped amid her tears. Robert didn't love her. Violet thought she was unworthy to produce an heir. Lady Harriet, whomever she was, had a son. Cora had no child at all, no love, no place to belong. She felt as though she was nothing.

Minutes went by in utter silence. Cora, too stunned to speak, had regained a little control of her body while lying on the bed, waiting for the other set of footsteps to leave the corridor. She no longer had the need to cry and found she could sit up without getting dizzy. How long would it take the person outside her door to leave? What if it was time to change for dinner and Harrison came in and revealed Cora to the person outside?

The ideas continued in Cora's mind until she finally decided to go over to the vanity and neaten her appearance. Then she could make a more dignified exit before she ended up being trapped inside the room any longer. She dried the tears on her cheeks and attempted to fix her hairdo. It wasn't as nice as Harrison's work, but it would have to do. Then she started to cross the room again when the doorknob suddenly began to turn and she found herself face to face with her husband.

Cora just stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to do or say.

Robert sighed and looked at her with regret.

"I was afraid you were in here while Mama and I were conversing," he said gently. "I'm so sorry."

Cora wasn't sure if it was the shock of being discovered or the kindness in his voice that brought the tears back to her eyes, but they came at the most inappropriate time. She turned away with a start.

"Maybe your mama is right," she said bitterly, in part to conceal the tears. "Maybe I won't last long here. If I don't do my duty," she added.

"Cora, I defended you. Mama has gone too far."

"Has she? Are you sure you don't want to dissolve the marriage right now and send me back to America in shame?" Cora thought she might as well get it out into the open.

"No way! I'm not doing that!" Robert looked taken aback. "I don't want you to leave, Cora."

"That makes one person who feels that way," she continued to keep her eyes away from him.

"You truly wish to leave Downton? Why? I know that Mama is hard on you," Robert continued. "I regret that she is. You are my choice for my wife and she ought to respect that."

It wasn't exactly a declaration of love, Cora knew, but it was much more than she had expected from him.

"I'm glad you feel that way," she began. "You really don't feel that you should have married another woman?"

"No," Robert shook his head. "I'm glad I married you. I don't know what to say about Mama. She is quite incorrigible."

Cora nearly laughed at his bluntness but stopped herself. Could she really be hearing him right, he wanted her there? He was glad he had married her? It could just be for the money that saved his precious estate.

As if able to read what she was thinking, Robert took a step toward Cora and looked her in the eyes. "And I'm not glad I married you because of the money. I...I like you, Cora. We get on well together."

"I can't help missing my home," she said as her gaze met his. "I hope you don't take that as rejection."

"No, I understand. If I were suddenly in a new country without anyone I knew longer than the previous Season, I'd long for home, too. I wish there was some way I could help."

"It helps to know you understand," Cora whispered.

"I do," Robert said as he slowly drew even closer and leaned in for a kiss. It was one of few times this had happened in their marriage, and Cora did her best to not appear shocked. But the enjoyment of the kiss quickly removed any thought from her mind as she gave into her feelings for him and let herself live in the moment.

"Would you like to take a walk?" Robert offered. "It's a lovely day and it's a shame to spend it indoors."

"That would be nice," Cora agreed.

It was the first of what would be countless walks throughout their marriage, but it was the first stroll through the autumn colors that Cora would always remember as the time when things gradually began to improve.

**The End **


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